So you want to go to Uni

The UCAS deadline has been and gone - if the application isn't in now, well it's probably too late.  So here are some handy tips for January 2012.

Hobbies – How you spend your time.  Unfortunately in this case Xbox and X Factor don’t count.  Never fear you have a few months to take up something impressive.

How about Falconry to demonstrate dedication and empathy?  You could try Morris Dancing – you won’t be the coolest applicant but it does show team spirit and no fear of mockery.

Achievements – Come on, anything?  What have you been doing with your time, apart from exams, assessments, coursework and endless paperwork?

Well, dredge through your past there must be something.  100 metres swimming?  Well done, that’s an achievement.  Scout Badge for Whittling a Woggle from Wood?  That will do
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Of course something more substantial would be better, so if you’ve been digging wells, teaching English or climbing Kilimanjaro then all the better. 

By the way being potty trained before you went to High School is not an achievement you should boast about – no matter what your mother says.

Skills – Driving, diving and data-crunching are good.

Learning to work the washing machine is bad.  I am very pleased that you have mastered this tricky piece of technology and your undergarments are no longer varying shades of pink but this is not suitable for your application.

Always remember your reader.  An admissions tutor with a working partner, three teenagers and an incontinent Labrador at home will expect more to be impressed.

Ambitions – To have an aim in life shows that you have put a bit of thought into the process.  However, this is not the time to be honest.

• What you should say is –“I want to be a useful, caring and constructive member of society who will benefit greatly from everything that your esteemed institution can offer me.”
• What you want to say is – “I want money, fame and more sex than you can shake a stick at.  How can I slide through your classes without too much work?”

By the Way - If you need assistance filling in your name, address and telephone number then I suggest you seriously reconsider whether Uni is for you.

Finally should you follow this advice and not get the place you want I will leave you with the following observations.

• What do I know – I’m in the same boat as you and anyway all I want from life is money, fame and more sex than I can shake a stick at.
• Uni is about independent thinking as well as learning.  Fill in the damn forms yourself.

McDonalds and Tesco are hiring so, cut out the middleman, avoid the student debt and go straight to your future employer.

Good Luck!